Too much just too much.
i could no longer think of anything else.
who is lying, who is not i really dunno.
D told me about him, being a bastard.
but when i confronted him he say he will never do something like this.
and he even say something like what will i gain from it.
im really am lost.
i need someone to talk to and all but all i could think about is D
i'm already trying my best.
but no one could see how much i really tried.
i really don't want to lose him.
when ever i think of it , him falling for that girl and all just makes me paranoid.
i really dunno what to do.
im afraid i really am.
he's already hating me, i don't want him to hate me any further.
a point of me just tells me to give up and move on , but another point of me is asking me to stay and not to give up.
i really dunno what to do.
but the truth is i really dont feel like giving up
if i knew this would happened,
i would never have wanted it, treating him like this.
i have just lost the best boyfriend i could ever have,
but i just took him for granted all along.
he's never happy when he's with me ,
but he still choose to stay for a little longer.
what type of gf am i ,
y have i turn into someone like this.
i screw everything up with my both hands.
all i wanted to just a chance to mend my ways again,
but it's hard really hard.
i have always wanted a lot of things from him,
because he didn't do it , i yell at him, make him suffer when he's with me.
if i could i really wish im the one who is suffering in the relationship and it's not him.
i have been covered by pride, ego, and etc and i have forgotten what i wanted most it isn't pampering, isn't about winning, isn't clubbing, isn't flirting, isn't drinking, isn't smoking but him himself.
if i have never listened to my friends maybe him and i could be better.
clubbing smoking drinking isn't want i wanted.
after we broke off i keep appearing at places where he and i used to go ,
the taxi stand where i make his hand bleed.
the chalet where i got drunk and he saw me dancing at the BBQ pit,
Kbox where we first started messaging after the chalet,
suntec where we had our first argument over the phone.
powerhouse where we first met,
toy museum where we first have our date,
if i were to told him i have been going back to ph after we broke off is to remember those days when we argue fight and in love i bet he wouldnt believe.
in fact thats the first place we met, there's alot of memories there with him.
i go there it's not because anything else but to let this memories flow back into me .
if i could get him to fall for me again , im willing to change anything and everything about me.
i don't want to lose him nor let him go.
i want to last form a fanily with him.
im not someone who believe in god,
but i come to a point where i willing to do anything to get him back.
so if there is really god,
HEAVENLY father, i know im not a good girl, nor a good girlfriend if you let me have a chance to get back with him and make him fall for me again, i will treasure it every single minute and second of my life loving him and not let the past of mine spoil everything, i would stop clubbing, smoking , drinking as for now on and to change what i used to be just for him.i wouldn't treat him like shit again, i promise exchanging my life with you if i didn't do what i say. please give me the strength . i can't do without him, but if u think im a bad girl and he doesnt deserve to be with someone like me again, please promise you u will protect him from hurt, from whatever there is out there and make him be happy always.


i will be waiting i wouldn't give up

its the beginning og something new.